I have been frustrated lately. I seem to be seeing and hearing things that seem important, but they are not clear. For instance, as I drove down the New Jersey turnpike to New York this summer, I saw a message written in the white fluffy clouds of the clear, bright blue sky. But I could not decipher what it said. Then recently I had a dream in which Ronald Reagan appeared, covered, as if loosely hidden, by balls of cotton, or popcorn? It clearly meant something. But what? I've been trying to find out what legacy he left US or what his presidency represented. And why was he partially hidden? And why cotton balls, or was it popcorn? Then a couple of nights ago I heard in a dream, “don’t miss 11” or “you are missing 11”. What does it mean? I googled the biblical meaning of 11 and left confused- some say it is a symbol of negative others says it is the opposite. Who is correct? And how does it fit in with my “11” message?
So today I found a quiet spot- with no-one home and nothing pressing to do- and sought God. He spoke, so I began to type as He spoke to me:
You are seeing everything through your pain, through how small you are.
But I don’t know how to do differently Lord.
Your fear of being “bigger than your boots” are unfounded. I have already brought you pass that hurdle. Rest in me. You'll never be able to do what I have called you to do, to declare, decree, what I want you to, if you continue to see you and not me.
How Father? How Holy Spirit? How do I make the leap from doubting you to believing you?
I looked up to record the time and date and it was 11am! And I remembered the dream about the “11”, that I was questioning God about, complaining about not hearing and seeing clearly, which brought me to this time, this moment of seeking Him today, and I began to type what I heard and said:
Now. Now says your Lord, now. Now I can use you. Fear not. Fear nothing. Fear no one. You will not be ashamed. Only trust and obey. I have snatched you from the bowels of adversity to be my messenger to the world. Don't be envious or impatient or discouraged, [I was thinking of the testimony I had heard early this morning after 1am of Paul Young and his book, The Shack] gave I bit saud ut, wukk u bit di ut, gave u bit saud tg=daughter tgat tiy wukk reacg nire fir ne tgab bukkt gragan dud, tiy are nt aoistke, tiyr fanukt are aoistaikuc, traubed fir sycg a tune ku==as tgus, u wukk care fir tiyr gysbabd abd ge wukk serve ne, eveb biw us us servubgf nt wukk, kiij yo, tiyr redenotuib draws bear, abd tiy aer readt.
My hands were not on the correct keys as I typed! I did not know because my eyes were closed as I listened to me and God’s exchange in the spirit!
O my God! Just like the message across the sky over the bridge of New Jersey this summer as I was driving through to New York! I couldn’t understand the message because the handwriting was skewed! Like this morning’s message! My hands were on the wrong keys as I listened and typed!
Then into my spirit gushed out- Oh Holy Spirit, thank you that the message is already in my spirit and you will help me remember when the time is right.
Is this what you are trying to tell me? That regardless of the language of the message, what you speak to me I will receive because I am receiving Spirit to spirit and not soulish or devilish or flesh?
Then He spoke again clearly into my spirit, and we were back again into a conversation
Listen. Stop. Smell. Look. Wait. See me. Hear me. Only move when I gave you the signal.
Lord I'm fighting between being afraid that I will never get to realize what I desire to do for you, and between feeling that it's okay, since you are the one I'm to please. So doing it your way, your plans, your purposes unfolding in me, your way, your timing, is best for me.
Keep small in your eyes but see me for who I am, the one who uses the foolish to confound the wise. The one who uses the simple ones, the ones rejected and discarded, the ones who because they have walked through the pain of humility will hear and obey me.
Jesus learned obedience by what He suffered.
So must those I can use mightily.
I will use you and your family mightily.
Yes Lord. I say yes to you and your plans and your way and your timing and your purpose. I say yes to whom you send me to, and who you send to me.
Grace, grace, grace for help, Holy Spirit!
What now lord?
Later I tried to remember and interpret, and slowly but surely the Spirit brought the message clear to me!
gave I bit saud have I not said
ut, wukk u bit di ut, gave u bit saud tg=daughter tgat tiy wukk reacg nire fir ne tgab bukkt gragan
It, will I not do it, have I not said, daughter that you will reach the world for me greater than -------------
dud, tiy are nt aoistke, tiyr fanukt are aoistaikuc, traubed fir sycg a tune ku==as tgus, u wukk
did, you are my apostle, your family are apostolic, called for such a time as this. I will
care fir tiyr gysbabd abd ge wukk serve ne, eveb biw us us servubgf nt wukk, kiij yo, tiyr
Care for your husband and he will serve me, even now he is serving my will. Look up your
redenotuib draws bear, abd tiy aer readt.
Redemption draws near and you are ready.